I don’t understand how people can easily just go off and make friends. The thought of walking up to a large group of humans that I don’t know is HORRIFYING. This concept doesn’t make a lot of sense to the friends that I was able to make all throughout my life because with them I always had a lifesaver. That is my person that I know will be there that I am comfortable with and can be weird around, then just allow other people to join on being weird and talking and what not. I make friends through friends and seeing as I have no friends in Australia, I’m kind of stuck. I’ve been trying to go out and do different things and meet people. I’ve been having fun and meeting people, but not making friends. I have no one’s number and no people that invite me out or that I could invite out. I don’t know if I’m just not an exciting person or if I’m just better at being alone. It’s super hard here because I feel like I tell people that I’m American and they assume that they know exactly what I will act like, how I’ll talk, what music I listen to, and the list goes on. I get it. A lot of Americans are assholes, but I don’t know why I need to automatically be lumped in with them. Another thing that is probably hindering my friend making is that somehow at the ripe age of 21 being shit faced has lost all excitement to me.
I wish I was still the kid I was probably until I was 13. Once I started doing drugs and getting into shitty stuff, I feel like I completely lost the ability to go out and make friends because I was worried about saying the wrong thing because I was so young doing a bunch of things that I didn’t want kids to tell their parents about. After I stopped doing those things, I lost pretty much every friend that I had and was alone for a good year and a half. That just made it even worse because I felt like all I had to offer to people was that I’d get high with them. Now, I’m just 21 with a lot of stupid fucking social anxiety and a blog.
Whatever. At least I am currently binge watching Supernatural and can be obsessed with that to keep my mind off of it.