I haven’t written anything on here for a long time because every time I went to all I can think of was that I should be writing about what happened. I have slightly touched on it before on this blog, but not much, about how I have struggled with depression. It has been since I was thirteen and culminates in many ways and the one that I always have trouble talking about was how long I self-harmed. For so long, I thought how it would come and go was normal and I would always be able to deal with it. That was the case until two months ago when I ended up in the hospital for an intentional overdose. I let myself slip so much, which I can see in my personal journal and just did nothing about it because I was so afraid to upset the people around me. All it accomplished was hurting them in a way I never imagined I would.
When I was leaving the hospital with my mother, who had drove down in the middle of the night after my friends took me in, I asked who all she had told about it. She told me only a few, necessary people so far and my response was one of relief. I did not want people to know and the first thing she said to me was that it was not something I needed to be ashamed of. At that moment, I couldn’t believe that was what she had to say because I always felt that my struggles with self-harm and depression were something that she never wanted anyone to know about. I still haven’t told so many people about it and I don’t know how many people that are still close to me read this, but this is for everyone that doesn’t have someone to tell them not to be ashamed of themselves.
It is a struggle everyday for so many people and I wish I would’ve just opened up about it before it got to such an extreme point. All I know is that I am here now for one reason or another. I just want to put my voice out there for anyone that needs it. I promise that trying to take yourself out of the picture is not the answer. In no way am I going to say that waking up from it has made me perfect or completely happy, but it has made me realize how many people there are that care about me whether they are super close to me or not. So, stand up and talk about what you are going through and what you have been through. You never know who might hear it that needs to hear it.
My heart had to break open to finally let so many people that have always been trying to love me in. The world needs me, the world needs you. I promise that things do not get perfect, but they get better. Please keep fighting.