Writing When Writing Doesn’t Make Sense

I hope that even if one day I’m really successful that no one feels the need to write a biography about me. They would probably have to find 8 million things to figure out where I was deciding to write things down at a certain time. I write when I’m stressed and I write when good things happen. Sometimes it feels right to have in it this public of a space and sometimes it doesn’t. Lately, it’s been in my journal or in my Passion Planner that I’ve mentioned before.

Since the last time I wrote anything on here, I moved, started and finished a new internship with Bkstg, finished my graduate program, started working on launching my thesis project as a business, and my boyfriend moved in. Those are a lot of big updates that I didn’t share and instead just wrote down in my journal or elsewhere.

It isn’t because I didn’t want to share them, but instead, wasn’t sure how. “Write for your blog” has been on my to-do list for about a month now and I’d accomplish everything else and be left staring at those four words. I didn’t know how and couldn’t understand why.

Writing for me has always been a cathartic process for better or worse, but recently I’ve been handling relationships and self-care better. I didn’t feel the need to write to people I didn’t know. It scared me when I started feeling like I needed to write again. The first thought was that I was falling back into a depressive state. I knew that I ignored it last time from re-reading my journal and didn’t want to this time. I focused on reaching out to

I focused on reaching out to friends and family because after 24 years here I finally realized that the people that love me want to know what’s going on in my life whether it’s good or bad. I knew I wasn’t letting myself fall back to where I was but still felt a desire to write.

About what though? That’s where I am now. I have no idea how or what I want to write about moving forward. It is this weird state of confliction that I feel about the majority of things in my life right now.

I don’t know what I am going to write or what this blog will look like in three months, but I am determined to write if my brain says write. I hope you enjoy whatever comes next.

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